& i was born choking

on nothing but air & ever since then
fear etched its way into my throat
carved its name into my jawline
see how my teeth are embracing
holding each other close so they
never have to let anyone pass
this is small revolution in the
empty space of my mouth
hear my vocal chords chant
we are coming for you next

i have not unlearned my dna
how my bones crack when night falls
how my knuckles turn white around keys
i learn to throw a punch i will be too
petrified to throw
my heart stops with each step
you take my love i do not trust
the wolves outside i was taught to run
when my gut cries out & i have never
stopped running all i can hear is their voices
we are coming for you next

so if i melt myself into bathroom stalls
understand i am trying my best not to be afraid
i will start to believe in honesty again
i will start to believe in hope again
i promise i will get better
& the thoughts in my brain will hush
like a rushing faucet shut off
i look towards the future & ignore
the dark nights surrounded by unknown bodies
i will look towards the light shining from your arms
& their safety whispers softly
we are coming for you next

originally published in You Are Not Your R***, Rhythm & Bones Lit (December 2018)

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